I apologize for the rambling entry, but I am so exhausted living this double life. I literally feel like I might collapse any moment (not faint, not feel dizzy, but just collapse because I’ve fallen dead asleep).
Today I had a chance to take a 20-minute nap before class and I fell asleep instantly on the couch in the student center despite the stupid door that beeps every other second, and the ppl walking in and out and talking around me. After class, I went home and attempted to work for like 15 minutes before I decided that I should just lie down on my bed for awhile. Usually that literally just means lying on my bed because I always have trouble falling asleep, but today I was out just like that and slept for a good hour and more.
I have beef shin and tendon defrosted in my fridge for 2 days because I was going to make Taiwanese beef noodle soup, but have had no time to get to them. Instead I have been eating ramen noodle, frozen stuff, junk food, and just consuming a lot of alchie (as long as I am rambling here…why the hell did we ever drink bailey’s when we were young? it’s disgusting.)
A bunch of little stuff happened this week too, but to sum up: I am exhausted, frustrated, and lost. And all of this is making me feel like I am fighting this battle alone, for no good reason.
But Chef C was showing me how to skim a stock properly this past Monday night, and he was saying how we could just wait for it to cool and take off the top layer of fat after it has solidified. Then he said, “but then there is also something gratifying about skimming a stock, you know?”
I was slow to respond and I think he assumed I am thinking he is crazy, cuz he smiled and said, “no? maybe its just me.”
Actually, I was stunned by the beauty of it. It was so eloquently simple, yet true. There is something gratifying about what may appear to others to be the tiniest accomplishments in the kitchen.
His comment reminded me of the “lemony-thyme” moment back in December last year that had re-triggered the chef dreams in me and ultimately led me to my crazed, double-life now. So yes, I still feel like I might collapse any moment, but somehow, thinking about Chef C’s comment made all this self-imposed madness seemed a little less mad (just a tad anyway).
Life, Food 